Okay since this wordpress thing is not helping as far as getting comments to post half the time (and the other half it doesn’t show comment options from what I am understanding) I am going back to blogger.
I started a new one with a new email address in order to avoid the people I don’t want to deal with. Its titled “The Cosmic Journey of a Llama “
I will continue here for a little bit to finish out conversations and decided what I want to keep if anything. Thanks to my two readers for being so patient with me for moving back and forth.
My husband has been really very ill in the last two months. Last week landed him in the hospital after a near disaster in the local emergency room-he was transferred elsewhere. Bottom line is that he has been in serious denial that his lifelong drinking has caused serious liver damage. He is now being referred to a transplant center.
I noticed that there is a stigma towards him in the medical world-I didn’t think his first liver doctors were very concerned because of the nature of his illness (He did it to himself). And yes, he did do it to himself but no he didn’t. He is an addict and at some point it was hard for him to move past that. I don’t condone his past behavior-but lets just say that alcoholism runs very deep in this family tree. Besides, if you are charging a pound of flesh as a doctor then do your fucking job and don’t let bias enter the picture. My husband should of been told the seriousness from the start instead of , “well you quit drinking for now and life will be dandy from here on out. ” That is just not how liver failure works and a G.I. should know that.
My G.I. knows it. I had cancer though and that made me a victim. My G.I. was unavailable to see my husband. I dont’ know it would of mattered.
And so now he is on a low sodium diet meaning I get to count crap like that whenever I cook-so fun. We might (we should and I want to) sell the farm and the hell out of dodge. I hate it here now. It was a dream that has turned into a nightmare for me.
At some point in the last few weeks of hell that I endured because my husband was drinking, I realized that I lie alot. I lie to the blog audience about how idyllic my life is. Fact is that I was ashamed to be married to an alcoholic and sometimes I didn’t even think about it at all-like it was normal. And he himself is very ashamed of himself too. When I realized how shame contributes to denial-that is when i started to tell the truth.
The odds for him are slim-if he stops drinking forever he has 5 years before he needs a transplant-and even then he might not get one or his health may not allow him to have one. And if he does drink he has 2 years.
Of course this is just a synopsis (if only my life was just a fictional bad film and not reality!) There is alot underlying it and nothing I do right now-no amount of yoga, vegetarianism, permaculture, gardening locovore, etc. is going to make any of this better right at this moment.
The life we worked for is over. He does not get it as of now-he will. As he gets more fatigued over time, we won’t be able to live here. Its hard. And its foolish. We have no support and I can go as far as to say that the majority of people around here are evil and perverse.
Where to next though?
We have been looking for somebody to hire to help us with our garden since all the rain has pretty much produced a ton of weeds. I think these weeds are edible-maybe lambs quarter-but I am not sure. There is another weed that I know is edible but I can’t think of its name. Neither look appealing to me.
At any rate, one man responded to our ad. I told him that Garry would call him back that evening. It was hopeful. Garry did that.The man did not answer. Garry left a message.The man did not call back.
We found an ad too. “looking for work”. We called. Left a message. Last week. No response.
We have had a very hard time finding people to work around here but why respond to an ad and why place one if all you really want to do is sit on your dumb ass doing nothing? I have no respect for this lack of work ethic.
And so the garden suffers. I will go out today and do some more weeding. some more planting. The next time somebody calls, I might not answer the phone. They can kiss my dirty worm garden butt.
I’ve been completely missing from the blogging world and for that I apologize-not for not writing but for not visiting. There were some pressing matters I had to attend to that seem to have stabilized for now.
I will be back even if just for short snippets……
An overstatement. It should be warm and its not. Its should be sunny and its not. After a full week of violent storms, we had two days of sun and then were plummeted once again into rainy weather.
Not so violent so far but we shall remain stuck under the dark clouds until Sunday. Yesterday we had a freak thunderstorm. Molly (my dog) got very shook up about that (she barely flinched under tornado level winds) and wouldn’t even touch peanut butter treats afterwards. I think she is sick of this too.
So I sit at home with perhaps one project too many started. A Mexican embroidered top (embroidery on yoke finished), a pair of socks knit on size 1 needles (just turned the heal on sock number one and think I will make a sweater with the yarn instead), and a pair of vintage French knickers (SewVeraVenus pattern drafting tutorial here, scroll down a bit ). I am working out the muslin for fitting but found a few mistakes (on my part). I hope to make this test pair presentable enough to wear as shorts if and when the sun actually shines and the far Northern Hemisphere warms up.
Thats too many projects for me. I like to focus more than that. Its the lack of Vitamin D. Makes me crazy restless.
And you too would be if you started over 50 heirloom tomato plants only to watch them either die for lack of sunshine prior to planting or get washed out because they were planted. Its a lose/lose year in the garden-for tomatos that is. My cold crops are happy as Larry
It just takes a printer. Some patterns are even free! There are a few sites that have these in PDF download but I have not tried them out at all myself yet. One that is very intriguing to me is Lakala Sewing Patterns.
They have a wide array of patterns for purchase patterns (just around 2 dollars each for the ones I have liked so far) and some freebies, but the best thing about them and why I will be trying them very soon is that they will customize a pattern to your measurements!
Let me repeat-“They will customize a pattern to your measurements!”
I am exploring the site and trying to figure out if I can just take the pattern (or send it via email) to a professional large format printing service but I have not priced said service. It might be worth all that cutting and tapping of paper together!
There are a few more-from what I call “independent” pattern companies and/or individual talent-some free, some for a nominal fee since downloading seems to be the trend. I like it. I just have a quirky printer that works when it wants to. Until I try this out, I am not saying good, bad or ugly. However, I tend to think it must be better than forking over up to 18 dollars for a paper pattern that does not fit anyway.
Let me know if you have tried downloading patterns and how it went. If you haven’t, would you?
We all wear clothes most of the time. And we all buy these things to wear that are most often made over seas. Well….with the double tragedy in Bangledesh recently, we should be rethinking things. Did you all know that there are 500 factories in Bangledesh alone and only 200 are certified safe?
Are you as proud as I am to wear a pair of cheap undies that cost somebody their life? Or was the reason a virgin girl was raped in a factory in Jordan? Repeatedly?
It doesn’t really anger me at all. I am beyond anger. I am saddened. Pure and simple grief. because these things happen in my name.
I keep saying that I will make my own clothes then. I try. I am going to try harder. Sure, I will buy second hand. Its here. And buying fabric is an issue that leads back to the same type of slave trade but I do have a stash. Maybe there are answers to that.
For one thing, how much clothes does a person need? I know, I have written about it before. I have done nothing. I have gotten virtually no response outside of my loyal choir of One (Chris).
I think I will look locally. I mentioned it to somebody who was interested in slow and local food and she didn’t take an interest whatsoever but perhaps she doesn’t care about fashion? I will try again.
I think people don’t realize that if we don’t sew well or design well, its okay. We just need to change our aesthetic. Or maybe be need to revert to vintage. Its up to each of us to decide that but just like anything else we are trying to change, it has to start with something!
I am knitting a vintage sweater pattern with yarn I took from a coat sweater my mom gave me last year. I dyed it gray. It looks nearly new.
I need summer clothes due to weight gain. thats more immediate.
I will be back with a plan. And maybe something to show. Some links.
May the victims of our garment obsession rest in peace.