All this time worrying about my daughters trip to Germany and being brave about it and denying my own fears….well she was dealing with stuff too…we didn’t know till she got home that she wasn’t even excited.

Two days before her departure, she came into my room crying. She wanted to cancel her trip but felt foolish for doing so. Her issue was the length of time away. Mine was too…

So she cancelled. At the last moment. Thats her mothers daughter. I didn’t know how uptight I was about it myself until she did this. Relief flooded my body.

So our next thing was that we’d go to Chicago to see our son regardless. We were going to drop Jas off at O’Hare and stay the night. We planned on doing it regardless, but he and his girlfriend came down with a flu bad enough to warn me off of coming near them. I don’t yet have a go ahead on my immune system.

That part upset me alot. I cried most of the night…to my son was so sick….and nobody taking care of him but it’s something he must get used to. Luckily he’s in good health overall.

I just hope that this is not an indication of how 2013 is going to be!

One other thing….I hink most people know the Nichiren Buddhist chant…nam Myo renge kyo……I had roommates who were full blown into it and I have seen marginal results over the years since learning it.

I have taken it back up again because it makes me focus…..a big weakness of mine….and I decided that I wanted a free stationary bike since my foot pain prevents walking. And I am getting fatter since I can’t walk much.

Free because we are broke again and I fear in investing in something I historically don’t stick too.

So I chanted. And I got a bike two days later. To be picked up. A friend donated it when Garry asked him why his was on his porch. The deal is that I am borrowing it and if somebody  else needs it after a few months, I am to pass it on. A community bike for shut ins.

My goal is to use it as a rehab tool….to build  strength while my body continues to heal. By spring, I hope to haul my ass outdoors again.

I came across a local activity that I cannot participate in this year…a guided hike to ice caves. The hike is beyond my current capacity. I find that appalling and so have decided to get serious. If I am handicapped then I am going to seek assistive technology. If not then I am going to fix what doctors have not wanted to touch.

Life is to short to waste it….I learned this already with cancer. Yet here I am being complacent. No more.