Coming back

The other day, I wrote a long post, didn’t save it and my iPad shut down. Lost the post of course. Needless to say- frustration set in and I went back on hiatus.

Hmm…let’s see. News….I am in my followup period. So far my bloodwork is in normal range- anemia is gone, no need for b12 shots. All good. But my CEA results are not back…this is a test used to detect colon cancer. I won’t scan till April

On Monday, I follow up with radiation oncology and G.I. guy as well as more lab work…to determine if I need blood thinners indefinitely. This part is scary but I am getting good at tuning fear out.

I also started physical therapy for my bum leg and generalized weakness. I ride my stationary bike daily but it hurts my tailbone so I can’t ride long enough for results. I think I will start price comparing for a recumbent bike soon. I am sticking to the program.

Dealing with the news that my older brother had two small heart attacks, still smokes two packs of cigs a day,suffers depression, is obese and does crack often. I got my wake up call 1 year ago on January 25 th. yup my cancerverary came and went ready.

My medical bill so far is 300,000 and some change. It’s too expensive to backslide. And it hurts to be sick, weak, dying. I guess my brother doesn’t think like that.

Hope everybody else is good.

2 thoughts on “Coming back

  1. It’s a rough ride alright. I guess a lot of people can take stuff for granted until reality hits home for them too. Some people change as a result – others don’t. It’s hard to see the ones who don’t change though.

    I’m glad you made it to your first year after diagnosis! It seems longer than a year though, doesn’t it! I bet it does for you. I can only hope and pray that your success at health continues to improve.

    I needed to read this today, because I was on a bit of a downer healthwise too. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to, I’m feeling healthy and all my tests (diabetes and pregnancy related) are awesome. But all it takes is enough “I don’t care” people, emodying various stages of self-inflicted death sentences, or just really poor attitudes towards others – to make me wonder why I bother caring so much?

    It was good to read about someone else care about their health, to the tune of $300,000. Not that I would ever want that kind of debt for you (or the disease for that matter) but it makes me realise there is a price tag at the end of the day. If people don’t take care of their health voluntarily (where you can make a difference), then the chance for even greater debt in future increases.

    Of that $300,000 invested, I’m sure you’re worth every cent. I understand your anecdote about too expensive to backslide. How many people have to price their mortality when they’re paying a pittance for junk food and other recreational activities (smoking, drinking, shopping) by comparison? How many people would say my life is worth $300,000, if I’m lucky enough to survive in 12 months time?

    I hear what you saying. I can offer no solutdue, other than to recognise some people do care enough about their health to do something about it today.

    1. Hi Chris
      It feels like an eternity and because of that I feel very impatient most of the time. But I keep getting told that I am in too much of a hurry to resume my life as it was and infact it will never be that way again. So I am taking a few deep breaths and stepping aside to allow gentleness emerge-gentleness towards myself. I have been way too hard on “me”.

      I know what you mean about the “I don’t care” people. I face that daily. But its become so bad that its a matter of self survival now for me. I am working on letting it go-moment by moment. Its just not worth it. I hope you feel better soon-you are pregnant and have a right to be tired and to rest. I hope you do rest a lot?

      The price tags was towards healing for sure but it just doesn’t feel good to carry that debt. I don’t feel like I can heal with it hanging over my head. Its just an awful amount of money and its climbing. I will be in the care of oncology for five years to keep an eye on me-and if I get a recurrence….I just can’t imagine where that money is going to come from.

      I would say your life is worth at least 300,000 dollars. You are priceless.

      Thanks for everything. Your email managed to cheer me up and your recent posts even more so.

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