I am embarking on a health journey (a positive one) over here.
I just went to sleep last night and thought about how awful I look right now. Yes, I can be gentle on myself but I think its time to be honest and get tough. I have alot going on physically right now and I think my health solutions are starting to spiral out of control.
I was just given a prescription for an anti seizure medication to treat my neurological pain. I am afraid to take it because I don’t have seizures. Thats gone too far me thinks. I don’t know….
I just know that I am going to have to take some responsibility for myself. Being overweight can’t be helping.
I will continue to write here periodically but I feel that I need to be held accountable for my health and by declaring my goals publicly I might do better than letting myself go at it alone.
I met an actual permaculture designer not long go and decided to go ahead and hire her. We are bartering but also paying cash at her suggestion.
Before she came over to evaluate our property, we had to think about what we wanted both from her work and from our land. The bottom line is that it’s become increasingly hard to manage the property with just the two of us. Actually all of this last year and a half, Garry did most of the work himself. For us to stay here we need to stop banging our heads against the same wall year in and year out.
We needed to also know that our hard work was going to pay off with the grand reward…self sufficiency. By this I mean that what we do now will pay us back later with very little input down the line on our part….I.e. more fruit nut trees, more perennial food crops, being able to identify wild foods, continue with beekeeping, adding a trout pond if we wanted to go that route, Etc.
Those were our main concerns. In the process we talked about adding an area for privacy, and rest areas with shade. And though we only have three acres, we are considering allowing zone 5’s, not in the outskirts but in key areas that are challenging to maintain throughout the property. Garry had a hard time with that concept altogether but I reminded him we wanted less work, not more.
Much more goes on in this walk through but we are starting with plants rather than the more technical aspects such as slopes and other theories.
Next meeting will be in May and will be videotaped. We will be identifying edible plants.
Good test results the other day….no cancer in my colon! I knew this but needed the verification so badly! Infact, I had no idea how low my moods were until after the procedure when my doctor came to tell me that I would not need another colonoscopy for three years. I felt so very very relieved. Lighter. Oddly too, I feel prettier. No idea why…..
My children are obviously relieved too. Jasmine and I communicateAvery well but my son B. is hard to read. He texted a standard, “congratulations. Go celebrate.” then nothing more. For him, this was lot actually. But to my surprise, he posted the news on Facebook. And at last count, he has gotten 150 likes. He talked about loving his mom. I will never wonder at his silences again.
The chapter of my life with cancer is not closed yet. It’s always going to be a part of my life even if only a bad memory….but for today, I can say for a act that I am on op. I have won. And I can move on finally.
Because I am prepping for a terrible test, I have not eaten in 24 hours and am drinking some awful liquid , I am trying to occupy my mind with silly notions.
I am going to go shower soon and once dried off, I will need a pair of underpants and a bra.
Then, I will put on a pair of yoga pants since I am aiming for comfort today. And a tshirt.
Over this will go a sweater because it looks like we are entering the Ice Age in our area despite it being mid April.
A pair of socks.
Maybe a neck warmer if my hair is very wet.
A coat and boots.
What comes off when indoors? The coat and boots. Maybe the sweater if I have long sleeves on beneath. But slippers come on. And at night, a pair of pajamas or a nightgown. Maybe a robe.
Summer is different. I usually forgo a bra and put on a sundress and sandals. A Sunhat too. Done.
My purpose here is not to state the obvious. I was wondering yet again what it would take to cloth oneself if one made it all by hand. Knit, sew, weave, crochet and felt. Also recycle and alter old clothes into new ideas.
Not shoes though I desperately would like to learn how to do that. But at least slippers?
Thats a great deal of ownership of clothing just for one day in winter isn’t it?
But how or why?
I mentioned before that one of my favorite projects out in the stratosphere was the Fibershed project. Its all about locally producing clothing using local resources.
I have kept an eye open for local enterprises that might help a person produce clothing based on local resources only but the only mill in town (used to process yarn) went out of business last summer. Its not feasible around here unless one went the artisan route or produced using whatever was available around in used format-thrift stores for example to make things. We have plenty of local yarn and local dyes would be easy enough with planning.
Anyhow, I’ve mulled this over a lot. Is it feasible? Some say that nobody produces zippers locally. Tell that to Amish. They don’t use zippers. No need. I think its feasible because the Amish make it so. I think they don’t own as much clothing as we do-maybe two work outfits, one Sunday best outfit and under things. Not sure where they buy their denims but I do see them buying fabric at Walmart for quilts. Ah well.
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that life offers choices. The last few months or me have seemed nightmarish….another round of doctors visits, some diagnosis that are good too know but ultimately very depressing ( how many chronic illnesses can one person have?), missing the kids, being in severe pain……
Just out of my control, right?
To a point. I cannot change the fact that I am here in this body. But I can choose to try to heal.
Despite modern medicines pessimism.
I stopped going to the online cancer support group I quietly frequented recently because the more advanced cases there are bullies who refuse to believe in having hope. This includes the benefits of herbs, juicing, yoga, prayer, or that a person can by luck, be on the right side of the statistics.
They choose to spend tneir remaining time on earth being assholes. I have stayed out of the squabbles myself but its down right stressfull to sift through the rubbish. So I have dropped out.
Once I did, I saw other things in my life that were causing me stress too- things that really mean nothing when all is said and done…..my weirdo neighbor, the preacher at the local church who is trying to fool peopke into becoming born agains ( along with her politics), the imperfection of world at large….
too much personalization on my end….I let things go.
So everyday, I choose….do I want to be uptight, tresses, angry? Or can I just be happy? I choose to be happy.
It’s not easy but the more I do it ( moment by moment), the more I remember to do it.
And while my endless medical appointments continue and things remain unresolved, I find that I am grateful that my current team of doctors are not giving up on me.
And while I felt defeated for awhile there, i’m going to fight my way back to good health again. I feel mentally capable now that I mind my own business more often.
The My daughters boyfriend bought me a ball of yarn for Christmas along with a set of buttons and some beading supplies. I thought that was pretty sweet of him.
I decided that the type of yarn he bought would be excellent for cables and found a pattern for mittens ( I will have to try to find out who designed these and give credit. I just have forgotten at the moment). With the leftover yarn, I made another neck warmer (my own concoction) where I was able to use the buttons he gave to me. I liked the whole process and the yard was perfect for the project but I always mess up the “other” hand when knitting gloves or mittens.
It does not matter that I am following direction. Somehow, my mind goes dyslexic when I get to match which of course does not match. Subtle difference this time.
So anyway, I have decided to go ahead and knit some more cables-this time a jacket that I am designing using the Knitting for Anarchists method. Will talk about some other time.
Otherwise, I am happy because it suddenly got warmer outside for the last two days. Infact it was nearly 40 degrees Farenheit! I was outside and did some cleanup on my herb garden-something I was too ill to do back in the fall and still have to pace myself to get done even now.
In the meantime, I am still trying to solve the pain mystery along with revving up for another colonoscopy next Friday which isn’t worrying me so much but is making me a little emotional. That is-I am not worried about being probed under conscious sedation at all, but I am worried regarding what they might find because I still do not feel well…….sigh