Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that life offers choices. The last few months or me have seemed nightmarish….another round of doctors visits, some diagnosis that are good too know but ultimately very depressing ( how many chronic illnesses can one person have?), missing the kids, being in severe pain……
Just out of my control, right?
To a point. I cannot change the fact that I am here in this body. But I can choose to try to heal.
Despite modern medicines pessimism.
I stopped going to the online cancer support group I quietly frequented recently because the more advanced cases there are bullies who refuse to believe in having hope. This includes the benefits of herbs, juicing, yoga, prayer, or that a person can by luck, be on the right side of the statistics.
They choose to spend tneir remaining time on earth being assholes. I have stayed out of the squabbles myself but its down right stressfull to sift through the rubbish. So I have dropped out.
Once I did, I saw other things in my life that were causing me stress too- things that really mean nothing when all is said and done…..my weirdo neighbor, the preacher at the local church who is trying to fool peopke into becoming born agains ( along with her politics), the imperfection of world at large….
too much personalization on my end….I let things go.
So everyday, I choose….do I want to be uptight, tresses, angry? Or can I just be happy? I choose to be happy.
It’s not easy but the more I do it ( moment by moment), the more I remember to do it.
And while my endless medical appointments continue and things remain unresolved, I find that I am grateful that my current team of doctors are not giving up on me.
And while I felt defeated for awhile there, i’m going to fight my way back to good health again. I feel mentally capable now that I mind my own business more often.