Illness and other matters

My husband has been really very ill in the last two months. Last week landed him in the hospital after a near disaster in the local emergency room-he was transferred elsewhere. Bottom line is that he has been in serious denial that his lifelong drinking has caused serious liver damage. He is now being referred to a transplant center.

I noticed that there is a stigma towards him in the medical world-I didn’t think his first liver doctors were very concerned because of the nature of his illness (He did it to himself). And yes, he did do it to himself but no he didn’t. He is an addict and at some point it was hard for him to move past that. I don’t condone his past behavior-but lets just say that alcoholism runs very deep in this family tree. Besides, if you are charging a pound of flesh as a doctor then do your fucking job and don’t  let bias enter the picture. My husband should of been told the seriousness from the start instead of , “well you quit drinking for now  and life will be dandy from here on out. ” That is just not how liver failure works and a G.I. should know that.

My G.I. knows it. I had cancer though and that made me a victim. My G.I. was unavailable to see my husband. I dont’ know it would of mattered.

And so now he is on a low sodium diet meaning I get to count crap like that whenever I cook-so fun. We might (we should and I want to) sell the farm and the hell out of dodge. I hate it here now. It was a dream that has turned into a nightmare for me.

At some point in the last few weeks of hell that I endured because my husband was drinking, I realized that I lie alot. I lie to the blog audience about how idyllic my life is. Fact is that I was ashamed to be married to an alcoholic and sometimes I didn’t even think about it at all-like it was normal. And he himself is very ashamed of himself too. When I realized how shame contributes to denial-that is when i started to tell the truth.

The odds for him are slim-if he stops drinking forever he has 5 years before he needs a transplant-and even then he might not get one or his health may not allow him to have one. And if he does drink he has 2 years.

Of course this is just a synopsis (if only my life was just a fictional bad film and not reality!) There is alot underlying it and nothing I do right now-no amount of yoga, vegetarianism, permaculture, gardening locovore, etc. is going to make any of this better right at this moment.

The life we worked for is over. He does not get it as of now-he will. As he gets more fatigued over time, we won’t be able to live here. Its hard. And its foolish. We have no support and I can go as far as to say that the majority of people around here are evil and perverse.

Where to next though?


13 thoughts on “Illness and other matters

  1. I am incredibly sorry to hear this. Failing health is hard to endure. You’ve taken the first step by making peace with the truth. It is what it is. I don’t think any different of you for sharing what you have.

    Selling your property for health reasons is a necessity. Support networks can make all the difference now, even if it’s a public transport network. I used to think Suburbia was a place I wanted to get away from (and it was at the time) but having been cut off from it, you realise how being close to services helps when you really need them.

    I want to write more, but I’ll save it for an email. You’re both in my thoughts and prayers.

    1. Chris I have made peace. I am after all somebody who’s been there myself. Its Garry who does not seem to want to come to terms with it. It sent him on a drinking binge after a couple of weeks of living with the diagnosis initially and thats how he ended up hospitalized. I heard the doctor give him the odds myself. When he came home he was acting like it was no big deal. I asked him to repeat what the doctor said. Not surprisingly Garry chose to downplay the seriousness. Good thing is that he will be going to Alcoholics Anonymous for support in his abstinence and said that he’d go to therapy after he started AA. I understand that he wants to take small steps. He is overwhelmed.

      The transplant centers are either 2 hours south of us or 3 hrs. west of here. I think we need to set up a life closer to them rather than have to deal with a situation where I have to find somebody around here willing to take care of my animals when I am away (hardly anybody will). And its easier for transportation reasons as you note.
      Lots and lots to think about but Garry does not agree right now.

      1. I get where you’re coming from, albeit for different reasons. When you’re half of a partnership, it’s impossible to change tracks without your co-pilot’s agreement. That can be very frustrating.

      2. Its also that we actually need to sell without suffering a big loss. The area is still pretty depressed. However even if we keep this place a refuge-its all paid for. So we don’t have to sell at a loss or even at all. Its still going to be like pulling teeth to get this man out of here though.

  2. What is up with that place? It’s become a black hole for the people who buy it.

    I really thought you guys would make a happy life for yourselves there. I’m really sad about every little bit of this.

    1. And, not important to this topic, but, part of the big picture:
      When I am not able to comment, I’m simply not getting a window in which I can do that. The mechanism simply isn’t there.
      I would think that would be related to my browser. But, I’ve had instances where I’ve sat in front of the computer and scrolled through posts. I’ve seen “comments closed”, been able to comment and had no mechanism to comment, all in the same sitting. I have no idea. But, I’m on my phone and that seems to be fine.

      1. I am not sure why this happens Mary. Actually Chris had issues at first and I posted to the help forums. The answer was not helpful and it seemed a bit curt too. I am moving back to blogger-I think it should go smoothly over there now that I started a new email account.

    2. Well we had to of been sick when we moved here and we had our denial issues before this too. I think that this place is okay in itself. Its the lousy community around us who are actually very passive aggressive in their hate. Yes there are nice people (and you know who I mean) but unfortunately being a drinker means that everybody who hands him a beer was good by him. Now that he isn’t drinking its seems okay but these people are very nosey and hateful. If they can leave me alone I’ll be happier.
      I am pretty sad too. My entire dream is up in smoke. I cancelled my herbal farm grant. But then, maybe its for the best. Lets sit back and watch.

      1. It’s not a bad thing to take some time and coast a bit. You are still recuperating. I know you want to run. But, it might be time to walk. You can go back after a grant later, if you find yourself in that place, again.

      2. Thats how I am trying to see it too. Now that the crisis is over I can think clearly. I do love our home and land. Its just in the wrong part of the world for me. Maybe if my health improves I can get a life up in LaCrosse or something and just sleep here. lol. But I am not going to fool myself anymore….I don’t belong here.

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